if only pneumonia never existed in this world.

i would still have my mommy. i lost my mother to pneumonia. it has been one month an two days since mom's last day. I still cry. i cry every day. one moment i was so over with mom's departure and one moment i cry just like the day, the last day she's with us. it was an unexpected event that she meet with The Creator this early. she was healthy, i mean she have no serious disease like tumor, cancer, etc.

three weeks before she was gone, i called her every day on the phone. i still remember her voice was cheerful. and asked about her and father's well-being and she said they were fine. the last call i made was in Friday, she didn't sound very well, and i asked her if she was okay, she said she has been sick, because of the weather. it was rainy season.

i haven't called her on Saturday and Sunday. on Monday early morning, my brother called me and told me mom has been admitted to the emergency since Saturday. and today (Monday), she was having complication and will be sent to Keningau Hosp. and that they (siblings) will buy a plane ticket for me. so i fly back to Sabah, and i already received a lot of messages from my dear friends how sorry they were to hear about my mom's condition. i arrived at the hospital ICU in the evening. all of my family members were already there, all were crying, and praying, and reciting Surah Yassin. mom was diagnosed with malaria.

the next day, the doctor said the malaria was gone, its negative for that day's result. and hopefully tomorrow (Wednesday), the med team will remove the tube that enters to mom's lungs through the mouth to supply oxygen, if mom is fit enough to breath on her own (without intubate). the third day, the sleeping pills wears off, mom can open her eyes and she was able to move her lips but no voice. she can move her arms her legs her body a bit. the nurse said mom is so strong that she almost pulled the tube out of her mouth, so they have to tied mom's hand. mom can listen too. mum can nod can shook her head. its the only way to communicate with her. i was there in the morning and it was so sad seeing mom like. i told her to be strong and listen to the nurse to don't try to pull the tube out. and i said this to mom "the doctor will be here soon, they will check on you and will remove this tube and soon you can talk to us whatever you want to say after the tube is gone". she nodded. we only can read her lips, she'd been trying to tell us something, she insisted to talk. but we only can read her lips. as my sister's turn to come visit her, sis read this from mom's lip "saya lapar, saya haus". that was so sad.

and the doctor said she was not ready to breath on her own, we'll try on Friday. by the time, she was diagnosed with ARDS and pneumonia. and they'd tried on Friday. she still not ready and will try again on Monday.

on Monday, when they tried to remove the tube, there are so many complications happened such as edema so they have to make a hole to let out the fluid or air or something. the next day, her kidneys not working very well so they have to run dialysis on her for four days straight as apparently, the first second third dialysis doesn't make any result.

on her last day, the doctor gathered us all around and announced that now her heart has affected. three of her vital organs were severely affected. at 9.40 pm she was pronounced dead after forty minutes the med team trying to save her.

im glad to be with her til her last breath. we were there near her. we can listen to her last breath. she went quietly and peacefully. her face was so white and bright. so peaceful. it was like, death is so easy for her.

it was the pneumonia made it all worst. but human cannot questioned God's fate. all living things will die anyway. but mom gone too early. astaghfirullah al azim.

Al-Fatihah